The Bad Advice

My friends and family mean well, they really do. They don't realize their words hurt me more often than they help. I'm sure every couple struggling with infertility have dealt with this from their loved ones as well.  To be honest, sometimes they are kind of funny later when I'm dwelling on them. They often bring laughter and tears. I want to discuss some of the most memorable moments.

I have two close friends that were both teen mothers. They both have beautiful daughters that I love dearly, and they both know that my husband and I are TTC. They've both guilty of blurting out bad advice or unwanted advice. I don't want this to come off like I"m angry with them, because I'm not but. If you haven't yet, this would be a good time to check my tab at the top labeled "TTC Etiquette"   They've both said they would "have the babies for me", and that I can borrow her daughters as often as I want to "play house", and that I better not plot to kill them so I can be her daughter's "new mom". They've both offered to "give" any unplanned pregnancy babies to us. Of course, I let them know when they've hit a particularly sensitive nerve.  They always apologizes, and try again to make me feel better. The only time I actually get angry is when I realize they don't understand their own conceptions, cycles, or fertility. Both of their pregnancies were completely unplanned.

Here are some more gems : "I want to have a garage sale, I wish you'd just hurry up and get pregnant so I can give you all my old baby stuff."  Sometimes after they let "I hope I'm not pregnant." slip they'll shoot me an apologetic look and say "Sorry!" Occasionally if I'm feeling under the weather, if I call in to work, the first thing my friends or coworkers will ask when I return is "So?! Are you pregnant or what?!"  and I always say "Or what."

My own mother still says things like "You know I'd carry them if I could."Though she and my friends know it's my eggs that are the problem, not my uterus. It's like they only half listen to what I tell them about the medical stuff. My mom is also the only one who's uttered the dreaded "Maybe if you'd just relax...go on vacation!"

My Mother-in-Law struggled with infertility, but she won't speak about it. It is for sure touchy, and I don't want her to feel like she has to tell me anything uncomfortable. She and my Father-in-Law were married for nine years before they had my husband. She said once that they started trying a year in to their marriage. My husband says he remembers being about 7 or 8 and his parents asked him what he thought about them adopting a brother or sister for him. He was all for it, but now no one speaks about it and he is an only child. The first time I had dinner at their house as the new girlfriend she said "I'm only 90% sure that he wasn't conceived in a car." I don't know what to think about that.

Anyway.... I feel better getting that off my chest. Next time I'll discuss all the crazy adoption connections in mine and my husband's family tree.