The Bad Advice

My friends and family mean well, they really do. They don't realize their words hurt me more often than they help. I'm sure every couple struggling with infertility have dealt with this from their loved ones as well.  To be honest, sometimes they are kind of funny later when I'm dwelling on them. They often bring laughter and tears. I want to discuss some of the most memorable moments.

I have two close friends that were both teen mothers. They both have beautiful daughters that I love dearly, and they both know that my husband and I are TTC. They've both guilty of blurting out bad advice or unwanted advice. I don't want this to come off like I"m angry with them, because I'm not but. If you haven't yet, this would be a good time to check my tab at the top labeled "TTC Etiquette"   They've both said they would "have the babies for me", and that I can borrow her daughters as often as I want to "play house", and that I better not plot to kill them so I can be her daughter's "new mom". They've both offered to "give" any unplanned pregnancy babies to us. Of course, I let them know when they've hit a particularly sensitive nerve.  They always apologizes, and try again to make me feel better. The only time I actually get angry is when I realize they don't understand their own conceptions, cycles, or fertility. Both of their pregnancies were completely unplanned.

Here are some more gems : "I want to have a garage sale, I wish you'd just hurry up and get pregnant so I can give you all my old baby stuff."  Sometimes after they let "I hope I'm not pregnant." slip they'll shoot me an apologetic look and say "Sorry!" Occasionally if I'm feeling under the weather, if I call in to work, the first thing my friends or coworkers will ask when I return is "So?! Are you pregnant or what?!"  and I always say "Or what."

My own mother still says things like "You know I'd carry them if I could."Though she and my friends know it's my eggs that are the problem, not my uterus. It's like they only half listen to what I tell them about the medical stuff. My mom is also the only one who's uttered the dreaded "Maybe if you'd just relax...go on vacation!"

My Mother-in-Law struggled with infertility, but she won't speak about it. It is for sure touchy, and I don't want her to feel like she has to tell me anything uncomfortable. She and my Father-in-Law were married for nine years before they had my husband. She said once that they started trying a year in to their marriage. My husband says he remembers being about 7 or 8 and his parents asked him what he thought about them adopting a brother or sister for him. He was all for it, but now no one speaks about it and he is an only child. The first time I had dinner at their house as the new girlfriend she said "I'm only 90% sure that he wasn't conceived in a car." I don't know what to think about that.

Anyway.... I feel better getting that off my chest. Next time I'll discuss all the crazy adoption connections in mine and my husband's family tree.

Who can you trust?

One of the big reasons I haven't "come out" as TTC to my family and friends is because we don't always make it a main priority. Sometimes we just ignore it and continue on with our lives. I don't want to tell my coworkers or my friends and then have to face their questions. I don't want to have to fill them in on my cycle or disclose to them what crazy procedures we've tried. I know they would mean well, and I know they would think they were being a support to me but for now I just don't want to deal with it.

I feel like I'm protecting them from disappointment by leaving them in the dark. I want to be the only one in tears when my period comes each month. I don't want to have to be accountable for getting their hopes up.


This is a big question we're facing. Who can you trust? Who do you share your burdens with?

What's in a name?

When searching out other infertility blogs I saw dozens of adorable names. I hate to name them for fear of misquoting but they made me really think about what I wanted to call this blog. The name "Waiting for Strangers" came to me while playing video games. I adore video games and I was playing one of my newer games "Sims 3" on my Wii. This is the first Sims brand game that I have owned that lets you have children. I started my first game file with a couple made to be replicas of my husband and myself.

I played this game for several hours before I got brave enough to investigate where the Sims babies came from. I made my character interact romantically with my husband's character. I clicked the necessary actions until the game gave me the option to "Woo-Hoo" (have sex with) my husband or "Try for Baby". I cursed aloud and let a couple of hate tears fall when I clicked "Try for Baby" and my Sim character almost immediately after coitus showed the symptoms of nausea and back-ache. This of course was followed by a baby-bump and a 20 point mood boost because my Sim enjoyed being pregnant. That bitch.

My husband rolled his eyes while I complained loudly about our digital fertile avatars. Two digital Sims days passed and I got a game notification saying that my Sim had been taken to the hospital to give birth. I soon found my character standing in the yard while the game tried to create what our Sim child would look like. I again complained and cursed loudly, I was anxious to see how our digital child appeared. My husband said "Where is it? What's taking so long?" and I said "I don't know, maybe it's already in the house and I'm out here waiting on a stranger!". That moment cute little boy appeared in the yard next to me with my husband's stick-straight hair and his deep chocolate colored eyes. I made my character walk up to him, he waved. I chose "Ask about Day" as a conversation prompt, the relationship bar popped up. It turned out, we weren't strangers at all, we knew exactly who the other was.

It sounds a bit sappy but that's really how it happened. When I decided to start blogging a couple of weeks ago the name "Waiting for Strangers" seemed to fit. We're strangers now, but when you get here, I'll know exactly who you are.

Best Wishes.

Waiting for Strangers: An Explanation

The first rule of blogging is honesty. I will admit that that honest when it comes to Trying to Conceive or TTC is hard. It's an uncomfortable thing to discuss. Those who are living it understand, but it's nearly impossible to explain to people who haven't lived with infertility. I will do my best to be honest, with limits to privacy, and of course: the limits of TMI.

Let's start with a brief bio, shall we? I'm in my early twenties, as is my husband, Jon. We were married in October of 2010 after a four year engagement. When I was nineteen years old I was diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. My husband had a testicular issue when he was about 13 and as far as we currently know he has only one functioning testicle. There goes the TMI already, that's not something that is usually discussed in good company. 

What I mean to say is that my husband and I knew before our wedding vows that we could have trouble having children. In fact, while on our honeymoon my husband gave me a nervous look when I through my birth control pills in to the trash, I replied "Relax dear, it's not like I'll get pregnant immediately." I of course was crossing my fingers behind my back, hoping for exactly that.

It's now early April of 2012, no birth control has been used in a year and half, the duration our entire marriage. It's hard to define "trying to conceive" or TTC because sometimes we weren't trying. We were just newlyweds, without any protection. We went through a brief period last year where we were faithfully really trying to conceive. I started taking pre-natal vitamins, we monitored my cycles,  the things fertile couples know nothing about. After about 6 cycles, my husband became discouraged and we went back to the way we were. Unprotected, unplanned, and unscheduled.

Currently we have not sought any infertility care, but that's the beauty of it. This is the beginning of our journey. We are very much considering our next steps. We have just a couple more things we plan to line up, just a few more bills that need paid, and then we dive in with noses plugged. 

Best Wishes.