I really did mean to post this sooner, but it is a weird time in my life. My work life has been completely turned up side down and the good news is I should be working from home very soon. I can't wait!
Anyway, I did have my first appointment with my new Gynecologist. He was on time, polite,and respectful I was pretty impressed. My only complaint is that he didn't come in to meet me before I was nude. It's just a pet peeve of mine. I don't want to meet someone for the first time while completely naked wearing a paper gown. We discussed my horrible cycle with the 17 day long period, and then the cycle I had after that with a 9 day period. He of course suggested birth control to regulate my cycle. I had to look him in the eye and say "My husband and I are trying to get pregnant." It felt really bizarre to confess out loud. I don't tell very many people because I feel like a 14 year old girl on the Maury show telling the world that I'm ready for children.
He did a pap smear and then sent me to the laboratory for a thyroid test. Both of my tests came back perfectly normal, so that's good news. Since both tests were fine he suggested we try OPKs and timed intercourse. I have considered using OPKs before but my husband thought they were kind of intimidating. Now that I've explained exactly how the OPKs or LH strips work he's changed his mind and thinks it's a great idea. Yay!
Currently I'm on CD 31, which is highly unusual considering I have a 25 day cycle. Husband is getting kind of antsy, he wants me to go ahead a do a pregnancy test. I haven't yet because I don't want to get my hopes up too high. On the other hand: My BBT chart this cycle was the best I've ever had! It's the first time that the Fertility Friend application on my phone has given me the ovulation cross-hairs that stayed the entire cycle. Also we BD'd the ovulation day and the day after. I think I'll wait until this Saturday or Sunday before I think about testing.
Wednesday the 10th is my wedding anniversary, so if I could manage to get my BFP before then I would win the best anniversary present ever award.
Best Wishes
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
My Worst Cycle
So I've recently had a new and terrible experience. My last period was supposed to start on about July 28th. I try not to get worried or get hopeful unless 6 or 7 days pass without any sign of Aunt Flow. This time only a couple of days passed and AF showed up on July 30th and it was really light on CD1 and CD2. I started to think I was going to have a light easy period for once in my life. CD3 rolled around my period started to get a bit heavier but I still thought it was normal. CD7 rolled around I thought my period was going to lighten up and vanish. CD8 my period got really heavy, like unusually heavy. This continued until CD14. I even had some vaginal pain on CD 10 but never had any cramps. My husband and I were getting really concerned. I even thought for a moment about going to the emergency room. I'm stubborn enough I decided to wait it out and try to get an appointment with a gynecologist.
I finally decided that I needed to see a doctor on CD16, still bleeding but not very heavily. I don't currently have a gynecologist. Or Gyno-saur as I tend to call them. I called the clinic closest to me that is owned by the same hospital system that I work for. Their referral coordinator took my information and said they'd call me within 4 or 5 days to let me know if the doctor would accept me as a patient. Ugh. My awful terrible period finally ended on cycle day 17. I have never had a period last longer than 8 days and that was only one time. My periods are almost always 6 or 7 days. They called me on CD19 and said that the doctor that I wanted agreed to see me as a patient. So that's good news. The only problem is the first available appointment is September 18th! That's madness!
The worst part is, today is CD25. If I have a 25 day cycle on average, and you count the first day of spotting as CD1 I could start my period AGAIN any day now. If so, I'm going to call the clinic and ask if they can work me in sooner.
And now for something controversial: I know other countries have vastly different healthcare systems. I've been watching several TTC vloggers on Youtube from different countries. They sometimes have to wait months and months for an appointment because of their universal heathcare, so I know I have it better than they do, but still the wait seems ridiculous to me. It's hard for me to form an opinion because I know that there are so many people who don't have insurance and don't have any way to pay for the healthcare they need.....but then a big angry bitter part of me says it's not fair that I have a job, have insurance that I pay heaps of money for. Why should I have to wait months for an appointment when the people going to the doctor ahead of me don't work, don't have insurance, and I my tax money supports them? I'm really really torn on the issue.
I'll try to make another post next week to keep my two post per month average, I think I might cover my still crazy and completely unpredictable BBT charts.
Best Wishes
I finally decided that I needed to see a doctor on CD16, still bleeding but not very heavily. I don't currently have a gynecologist. Or Gyno-saur as I tend to call them. I called the clinic closest to me that is owned by the same hospital system that I work for. Their referral coordinator took my information and said they'd call me within 4 or 5 days to let me know if the doctor would accept me as a patient. Ugh. My awful terrible period finally ended on cycle day 17. I have never had a period last longer than 8 days and that was only one time. My periods are almost always 6 or 7 days. They called me on CD19 and said that the doctor that I wanted agreed to see me as a patient. So that's good news. The only problem is the first available appointment is September 18th! That's madness!
The worst part is, today is CD25. If I have a 25 day cycle on average, and you count the first day of spotting as CD1 I could start my period AGAIN any day now. If so, I'm going to call the clinic and ask if they can work me in sooner.
And now for something controversial: I know other countries have vastly different healthcare systems. I've been watching several TTC vloggers on Youtube from different countries. They sometimes have to wait months and months for an appointment because of their universal heathcare, so I know I have it better than they do, but still the wait seems ridiculous to me. It's hard for me to form an opinion because I know that there are so many people who don't have insurance and don't have any way to pay for the healthcare they need.....but then a big angry bitter part of me says it's not fair that I have a job, have insurance that I pay heaps of money for. Why should I have to wait months for an appointment when the people going to the doctor ahead of me don't work, don't have insurance, and I my tax money supports them? I'm really really torn on the issue.
I'll try to make another post next week to keep my two post per month average, I think I might cover my still crazy and completely unpredictable BBT charts.
Best Wishes
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Constant Change
I'm only just now starting to realize at the ripe old age of 23 that the only constant in life is change.
My husband and I got a fantastic deal on our new car. It's a five year old Jeep Compass. Nothing remarkable but it is a huge step up from our last car. Having a car payment is a strange thing for us but I don't think it will be an upheaval in our financial situation. I really like it and it's nice to have a car that I'm not embarrassed of. It's also nice for my TTC heart to know this is most likely that car I will still be driving when we get to bring a baby home. *Sigh*.
My little brother has lived with my husband and I since he was 16. He has had odd jobs here and there but about two weeks ago he got a great job. He is making double what I do. I'm a little jealous but I'm really happy for him. I no longer have to split his daily living expenses with my Grandmother so this has been another great change for us. I can't help but think he will help us out later down the road if we TTCing gets to the point of IVFs and / or adoption.It might sound strange to some, but we have a really tight knit family and we help each other out first and foremost before spending on ourselves or any material possessions. '
Now for the sad change... My Grandfather is 92 years old, and we just found out that he has a cancerous tumor in his salivary gland. It's swollen out off the right side of his jaw, looks very alien, and it's causing him pain. He will start radiation treatments this week to try to shrink it. At this point we know he can't stand anything more invasive. We just want the actual tumor to be smaller so it won't cause him pain anymore. It's not technically terminal but it's just really hard for me to accept that my Hero won't be around much longer. It's hard for my to accept that my Grandfather might never meet my children. He's the sweetest, kindest, most gentle old man that has ever lived. It's impossible for me to list all that he has done, and all that he means to me. For starters he only reluctantly retired from being a math teacher at the age of 70 to stay home and take care of me. My parents couldn't afford for my mom to stay home with me so my Grandpa was my all day every day care-giver from when I was 6 months old until I started Kindergarten. I always have been and will always continue to be Grandpa's girl.
Anyway, two good changes, and one sad one. Aunt Flow was supposed to arrive today, and she hasn't shown up yet. That's always good. If I had my way this would be the very month that she doesn't show up. I don't want to see her again for...hmmm. I don't know....Does about 10 months sound okay? I could use a break from Aunt Flow.
Best Wishes
My husband and I got a fantastic deal on our new car. It's a five year old Jeep Compass. Nothing remarkable but it is a huge step up from our last car. Having a car payment is a strange thing for us but I don't think it will be an upheaval in our financial situation. I really like it and it's nice to have a car that I'm not embarrassed of. It's also nice for my TTC heart to know this is most likely that car I will still be driving when we get to bring a baby home. *Sigh*.
My little brother has lived with my husband and I since he was 16. He has had odd jobs here and there but about two weeks ago he got a great job. He is making double what I do. I'm a little jealous but I'm really happy for him. I no longer have to split his daily living expenses with my Grandmother so this has been another great change for us. I can't help but think he will help us out later down the road if we TTCing gets to the point of IVFs and / or adoption.It might sound strange to some, but we have a really tight knit family and we help each other out first and foremost before spending on ourselves or any material possessions. '
Now for the sad change... My Grandfather is 92 years old, and we just found out that he has a cancerous tumor in his salivary gland. It's swollen out off the right side of his jaw, looks very alien, and it's causing him pain. He will start radiation treatments this week to try to shrink it. At this point we know he can't stand anything more invasive. We just want the actual tumor to be smaller so it won't cause him pain anymore. It's not technically terminal but it's just really hard for me to accept that my Hero won't be around much longer. It's hard for my to accept that my Grandfather might never meet my children. He's the sweetest, kindest, most gentle old man that has ever lived. It's impossible for me to list all that he has done, and all that he means to me. For starters he only reluctantly retired from being a math teacher at the age of 70 to stay home and take care of me. My parents couldn't afford for my mom to stay home with me so my Grandpa was my all day every day care-giver from when I was 6 months old until I started Kindergarten. I always have been and will always continue to be Grandpa's girl.
Anyway, two good changes, and one sad one. Aunt Flow was supposed to arrive today, and she hasn't shown up yet. That's always good. If I had my way this would be the very month that she doesn't show up. I don't want to see her again for...hmmm. I don't know....Does about 10 months sound okay? I could use a break from Aunt Flow.
Best Wishes
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Turbulence
My husband and I suffered a terrible loss this week. Our one and only car has died. It was only 13 years young, with 272,000 miles, and we will miss it dearly. It was my husband's first car that he's babied along for the last 10 years. This has caused some turbulence in our world. We live about 35 miles from work so we absolutely have to have a car to get back and forth 70+ miles each day.
Anyway, we're not poor but we do struggle financially. We're young and dumb and shouldn't struggle as much as we do. We make enough money but we live the wrong way. We are not prepared at all to replace our poor car. We haven't had a car payment in years and years.
It might seem completely unrelated to TTC but it's not. It's hard to put my numerous ideas in an order that makes sense.
Money always takes a TTC in a big loop. The money we're having to spend on a new car or repairing our old car could be spent on TTC. When I say "new car" I do not mean "new". My husband and I would never go buy a brand new car. We're only talking upgrading from our embarrassing old rust wagon to something 5 or so years old with about 100k less miles. The old car we have is not suitable for a child, if that is the car that will take our baby on it's first car ride I will be a little ashamed of myself. If we got a new car, it's a couple years commitment for monthly car payments, even less and less money for us. I know that we have to get a different car eventually I just really wish we had more time to prepare.
Honestly this turbulence has made me reconsider TTCing. I can't be alone in feeling this way when faced with hard decisions. In the back of my mind old cliches say "When you stop wanting it, it will happen." and then I get excited for the mystical fertility magic of "stop thinking about it".
This is cycle day 23, and Aunt Flow should be here probably late this week. Until then I'll be car shopping and crying.
Best Wishes
Anyway, we're not poor but we do struggle financially. We're young and dumb and shouldn't struggle as much as we do. We make enough money but we live the wrong way. We are not prepared at all to replace our poor car. We haven't had a car payment in years and years.
It might seem completely unrelated to TTC but it's not. It's hard to put my numerous ideas in an order that makes sense.
Money always takes a TTC in a big loop. The money we're having to spend on a new car or repairing our old car could be spent on TTC. When I say "new car" I do not mean "new". My husband and I would never go buy a brand new car. We're only talking upgrading from our embarrassing old rust wagon to something 5 or so years old with about 100k less miles. The old car we have is not suitable for a child, if that is the car that will take our baby on it's first car ride I will be a little ashamed of myself. If we got a new car, it's a couple years commitment for monthly car payments, even less and less money for us. I know that we have to get a different car eventually I just really wish we had more time to prepare.
Honestly this turbulence has made me reconsider TTCing. I can't be alone in feeling this way when faced with hard decisions. In the back of my mind old cliches say "When you stop wanting it, it will happen." and then I get excited for the mystical fertility magic of "stop thinking about it".
This is cycle day 23, and Aunt Flow should be here probably late this week. Until then I'll be car shopping and crying.
Best Wishes
Saturday, June 16, 2012
My first BBT chart
It's CD8 of my new cycle, and I'm still keeping track of BBT. Below is a picture of my first chart. I only missed one day and that was because I was taking care of my grandparents and forgot to take my thermometer with me. It started off great, high temps, sudden drop but that was only CD4. After that it was level until CD 8 and then it went on a crazy roller coaster. I don't know what to think. My husband thinks that my temps get too low, he says he's uncomfortable with anything under 96 degrees. I went to my trusty doctor Dr.WebMD and it kind of suggested hyperthyroidism. I am starting to think that purchasing the cheapest thermometer ever made was probably not a great start. I will probably go buy another one, better quality and use both and at the same time to compare. I still have not made a real doctors appointment, even thought I said I would.
My temps this month are already crazy again. As high as 97.9 and as low as 96.3. I really am going to make an appointment with a new doctor. I want to know about these crazy BBT charts and see if there is anything they can do for my 7 and a half day periods when I only have a 25 day cycle. I'm sick of feeling like I'm constantly on my period. Ugh.
If you have any ideas or experience with crazy BBT readings let me know.
Best Wishes
Sunday, June 3, 2012
My husband's confession
Last week my husband and I were driving home. He waved at a passing truck that I didn't recognize. He said it was a guy from the fire station where he volunteers.
"I was talking to him the other day, and he said he and his wife had trouble having kids." husband said.
Whoa. I was surprised. This was the first time he has mentioned talking to other people about our infertility. I asked him if the guy said anything else.
"He said they tried for years and then we they gave up hope and relaxed it just happened."
Oh of course, they lived the cliche. I got misty eyed. I hate that "relaxing" isn't some magic pill to help us conceive and that my poor husband is suffering just as much as I am.
For the first whole year that I wasn't on birth control I didn't share my pain with my husband. I wanted him to think that we weren't "trying" even though he knew we weren't doing any thing to prevent pregnancy. If he questioned me about it I would say that it could take up to a year for birth control to leave your system. I didn't know if it was true or not but I wanted to be the only one worrying about it. I didn't know anything yet about my own fertility and I just kept crying alone in the bathroom when AF showed up.
Our first anniversary came and one of our acquaintances had an unplanned pregnancy, her third unplanned pregnancy, ..... I had what I like to call a "shit-fit" I hated her for this. I broke down and told my husband how I had been feeling. I told him that I had been crossing my fingers each month, and intentionally keeping him unaware. He wasn't upset but he did have a lot of questions. Did I want to get to the doctor? Why had I kept it to myself? etc. As of now he is filled in on everything, but I do try to spare him some of the grosser things like cervical mucus, etc.
I'm trying really hard now to let him be a support for me. I want to shield him from the pain that I feel. When he confessed that he told this guy from his department it was a real light-bulb moment for me. I know he is here in the trenches with me and might get hurt no matter how much I keep to myself. He is my soul-mate for sure. Infertility aside, I know I could live out my days with him and still be happy.
Best Wishes
"I was talking to him the other day, and he said he and his wife had trouble having kids." husband said.
Whoa. I was surprised. This was the first time he has mentioned talking to other people about our infertility. I asked him if the guy said anything else.
"He said they tried for years and then we they gave up hope and relaxed it just happened."
Oh of course, they lived the cliche. I got misty eyed. I hate that "relaxing" isn't some magic pill to help us conceive and that my poor husband is suffering just as much as I am.
For the first whole year that I wasn't on birth control I didn't share my pain with my husband. I wanted him to think that we weren't "trying" even though he knew we weren't doing any thing to prevent pregnancy. If he questioned me about it I would say that it could take up to a year for birth control to leave your system. I didn't know if it was true or not but I wanted to be the only one worrying about it. I didn't know anything yet about my own fertility and I just kept crying alone in the bathroom when AF showed up.
Our first anniversary came and one of our acquaintances had an unplanned pregnancy, her third unplanned pregnancy, ..... I had what I like to call a "shit-fit" I hated her for this. I broke down and told my husband how I had been feeling. I told him that I had been crossing my fingers each month, and intentionally keeping him unaware. He wasn't upset but he did have a lot of questions. Did I want to get to the doctor? Why had I kept it to myself? etc. As of now he is filled in on everything, but I do try to spare him some of the grosser things like cervical mucus, etc.
I'm trying really hard now to let him be a support for me. I want to shield him from the pain that I feel. When he confessed that he told this guy from his department it was a real light-bulb moment for me. I know he is here in the trenches with me and might get hurt no matter how much I keep to myself. He is my soul-mate for sure. Infertility aside, I know I could live out my days with him and still be happy.
Best Wishes
Sunday, May 20, 2012
My own stats...
I'm going to try to keep it short today due to my adoption connection post being so long. :)
My temperature so far has been pretty encouraging! I had a very defined dip, seemingly an ovulation dip. The only problem is it was on cycle day 4! I was right in the middle of my usual 7 day period. My husband and I typically don't BD during my period, but if this dip occurs around the earliest cycle days again for the next couple of cycles we'll have to make an exception. I went first to my good friend google, and google confirmed my fears. If I'm ovulating while on my period it will make it even harder to conceive. That uterine lining is there for a reason!
My worst confession of all: I haven't even been to the gynecologist ( I will sometimes refer to gynecologists as gyno-saurs, just for laughs) in over two years. I know! It's awful! It's on my to-do list. My mom is having some pretty serious health issues with her reproductive parts, and is facing a complete hysterectomy so my family is pressuring me to go again. I know there's no excuse for ignoring my health but I had a stroke of bad luck. I had just started seeing this new gynecologist and his clinic is one of the best in the area. They don't over see pregnancy care or births, so it makes it so much easier and faster to get appointments. Long story short due to a misunderstanding with my family I was unable to pay for my three visits and my account with him went out to collections. I'm going to pay it very shortly, but I know already I have to find another doctor. I have two coworkers that struggled with infertility and they have both strongly suggested the same doctor. I intend to call him within the week to make an appointment.
There you have it. I will continue to post my stats with any interesting changes. I will do my best to keep writing real posts instead of unreadable stats riddled with ttc abbreviations and lingo.
Best Wishes
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